How to recognise when you are bypassing your life by focusing on safe problems, rather than the risky ones. Let me explain.
Safe problems keep us distracted and show up as symptoms, some of which you may recognise; procrastination, self-sabotage, ignoring our `boundaries’, being too open and trusting, drama, blame, excuses etc. Why are they safe? Because they keep us from focusing on the real issues and often ‘mask’ the cause of our underlying malaise. Much like going to the doctor and describing a list of complaints, runny nose, sore throat; we go through life associating with labels that seem to fit our unease and distract us from the real issues.
So, how do we fix this?
Well, much like a computer, our brain churns out information based on what we ask it. Ask it an un-resourceful or `safe’ question, such as, “Why can I never stick to a diet?” Or, “Why do I feel constantly overwhelmed?” And just like a willing servant it will give you an un-resourceful answer. Resourceful questions, however, focus not on surface symptoms but rather get us further to discovering what lies beneath. So, using those examples, what might resourceful questions look like?
How about “how can I nourish my body today to make me feel fantastic?” and “how do I get clear on what’s important in my day and respect my boundaries?” Questions have the power to take us from victim to hero in any given situation.
When we change the questions we ask of ourselves, we change our focus and when we change our focus, we can change our lives.